The skies turned a bit gloomy overcast with dark heavy clouds which threatened to open up its belly and unleash everything out.


Fingers on the keyboard. Eyes staring at the screen. Mind trying to digest and encrypt the scientific terms that have special linkage with the future i'm about to explore. 'Eon', 'Andean', 'Proterozoic', the list goes on till the extent that my mind couldn't grip anyone of them.
It's a long-known fact that my mind doesn't go down well with long-time reading, or rather, with too many words lying there in a conventional, non-enticing way.
i looked out of the building. the sky was still emotional in the way that it overpowered the beauty of the multi-hues spectrum of the sunlight. However, it was still not dark enough to let silver linings to make their appearance.


Looking inside myself dawned upon me. i had lost some parts of me. But what is it?
Erm... Owh~ i think i had figured it out - unwavering spirit and morale.
i wondered where it had gone.
No idea. 


Scholarship. An eye-straining word to the quantum of the scholars out there with a respective dream. A dream of transformation. A dream that can morph them into somebodies who are able to give enough assurance to his family with no worries about tomorrow. 
i am lucky enough to grab one though. 
This realizes my dream to study oversea, at the same time, broadening up and extending my view and knowledge. Many people, almost all of them, eggs on me to embrace this present dropped from heaven by advocating their little smatter about the job outlooks and how grandiose the company that i ll be working with, is and will be.
However,
some of them who really discerns my case to its bottom part, would tell me one thing unanimously . " Most importantly you have to be interested and keen about your job. " Yes, there lies the crux of the whole situation. And so, all these superficial research im making in reference to mostly Wikipedia. 
Earth, rocks, minerals. Those are the words i need to deal with day in and day out once i nod my head upon the request whether to take up the scholarship. For once, i felt very uncomfortable and annoyed with all these words, and also the fact that i ll be living with the igneous rocks, sedimentary rocks and metamorphic rocks. 
But suddenly, that discomfort went off after i recalled how had i just advised my friend on her love problem over an almost-one-hour-continual phone call.
Im considered lucky already. 
there is still many of them almost succumbing themselves to the undulating wave of fate that is way too fickle and uncertain, while i could still seize on a buoyant, not to mention it's a very safe and promising one.


Just in pat, that song came along, encouraging me not to give up and to make it through the rain.
'Thought is already is late, exactly is the earliest time', right?
i took a deep breathe, and looked outside again. 


The sun reappears with warm sunlight...

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Have learned to put things down, have learned not to be so hard-headed..

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Awakening, Rude one..

Huh.. I should thank to my friend Jane Phang (a friend i met in PETRONAS EduQuest Camp), she shared a link on facebook pertaining to the condition of how Harvarders study. 
The link comes with an intriguing title : The library of Harvard University well-lit with students enthusiasm at wee hours

Surprisingly it hits me. Wake me up from long-time unnecessary grieving. Since, i feel very ashamed with my own behaviour and attitude. 
From the link, i understand that how 'crazily' the students in Harvard University study and strive for a betterself, the way how they keep on refining themselves through stakes of books and a heart of zeal. It is really and totally no play and all works. But they are all not becoming Jack. They are to become somebody. It's kind of evident from the fact that Harvard has produced 33 Nobel Prize holders, 7 Presidents of USA and a slew of experts in assorted fields so far.
Finishing admiring and marveling Harvard University, come back to Malaysia and its university life, it's totally  a different pot of fishes. One word enough to tell everything - Non-comparable. The points are, when those scholars in USA are working so hard in the universities, we are enjoying ourselves tweeting in Facebook; When those students are just about to start studying, we are just about to lose ourselves in the ecstasy of dreaming; When those future leaders are having 2 hours of slumber a day, we are just ranting and raving about how not enough sleep we have.
They got their hearts we got ours. But our hearts are too vulnerable to challenges and lack of morale. They dream high, work crazily, and succeed big. But, we dream high, work reluctantly, and complain of everything that doesn't come to us when it supposedly should. 
For me, it is a rude awakening that comes in pat, to be honest with you. It's even more than that, it points me into a real way about how i should deal with the problems pending in the future. It's not fun at all. It's suffering,  but more importantly, we should learn to grope for happiness and enjoyment from great anguish. Not grumbling about how unfair the way fate works and twists. 


Ten phrases that stands conceitedly in the library of the world no 1 university:

1. This moment will nap, you will have a dream; But this moment study,you will interpret a dream.

2. I leave uncultivated today, was precisely yesterday perishes tomorrow which person of the body implored

3. Thought is already is late, exactly is the earliest time.

4. Not matter of the today will drag tomorrow.

5. Time the study pain is temporary, has not learned the pain islife-long.

6. Studies this matter, lacks the time, but is lacks diligently.

7. Perhaps happiness does not arrange the position, but succeeds must arrange the position.

8. The study certainly is not the life complete. But, since continually life part of – studies also is unable to conquer, what but also can make?

9. Please enjoy the pain which is unable to avoid.

10. Only has compared to the others early, diligently diligently, can feel the successful taste.

11. Nobody can casually succeed, it comes from the thorough self-control and the will.

12. The time is passing.

13. Now drips the saliva, will become tomorrow the tear.

14. The dog equally study, the gentleman equally plays.

15. Today does not walk, will have to run tomorrow.

16. The investment future person will be, will be loyal to the realityperson.

17. The education level represents the income.

18. One day, has not been able again to come.

19. Even if the present, the match does not stop changes the page.

20. Has not been difficult, then does not have attains.

I regain my energy to fight for my life, to fend for my future. That' what i get, so what you get on the other side?


http://wenku.baidu.com/view/ebf18241be1e650e52ea99f0.html

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The Greyish Skies...

I suppose i have just somehow reached the some sort of nadir of my life..
The feeling of soaring up to the sky and suddenly hurtling down from the zenith of my life bound for somewhere near to the hell,  ain't something bearable for me..
I start to wonder why.
Why what, you ask. Why all these odds against me?
Getting straight A+ in SPM, getting a sponsorship from PETRONAS..
Ya, to others it seems that i have been granted everything divine and wonderful in one person's life, one striving scholar's life, to be precise.
But, they took away the real hope of mine, JPA scholarship.




I was kind of stunned there when I get to know the result of my application for JPA sponsorship.
This is not something I ll ever expect in my life, never once, in my wildest dream.
It feels like you have been having yourself lying on a bed of roses, but out of a sudden, the bed flipped over with you tumbling down onto a bed of nails beneath.
It dawns on me that, maybe, my dream that have basked me ever since the day for the SPM result to release, has come to its end. And abruptly it jolted me back from the flashbacks of my memories in Genting Highland with one of my best friends, to the ruthless reality. At the moment, I got so many things criss-crossing in my mind, threatening to spill out. But this particular friend lying in front of me ain't a suitable confidant for me to pour everything out. So, I chose to hush myself up. The feeling of things bottling up in your mind till it reached a threshold where my mind itself couldn't hold it for any longer.


My friend was right, ' if you don't get a good offer from JPA, your SPM slip is somehow nothing more than a trash, no matter how fancy and flawless it looks.' And now it's exactly what happening to me. I think, my two other friends are also not feeling any better than that.


Now, I start to believe in karma, in the sense that you will get what you have done. But it's kind of impossible for me to look back to my past-life to see what degree of offence i have made that is enough to cause all these to happen to me.
I am not supposedly sad since it comes with a backup plan since there is somebody who is more unlucky than im, 
i should be grateful for everything i have laid my hands on,
but, for now, geologist is not really what i want to do...


Curious bout the way my fate works and how far and where it will bring me ...

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